Being acted upon

As my friends are aware, I’m a consummate social butterfly. The combination of gregariousness and a short attention span has created in me a talent for becoming familiar with the individuals in large groups very quickly. It has also made it more difficult for me to develop deep friendships, as I rarely spend large amounts of time with the same person or few people. Since my life plan included marriage by around the age of 23 (which was two years ago), the challenges that inhibit me from forming deep friendships have merited considerable thought. My conclusion startled me and is best explained with a phrase from the Book of Mormon: I was being acted upon rather than choosing to act (see http://scriptures.lds.org/en/2_ne/2/26#26).

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Hints are bunk

For those who aren't familiar with hints, they are hopeful but ineffective communication. They are typically used when one person is obliged to say or do something, but doesn't want to say or do anything offensive to anyone else. If there weren't advantages to this form of communication, no one would bother using it. But their detrimental effects far outstrip their benefits. It's time for our communication to mature into clarity and honesty.

As a single man in a culture (that of Utah) that aggressively pursues the abandonment of singlehood, the examples that readily come to mind center on dating. Please apply the principles here to other aspects of life as appropriate.

The most important reason that hints are a negative is that they're so frequently dishonest. Read the whole story...

Nate vs Petey

Once upon a time, a young man named Petey was working as an EFY counselor for the first time. Being an astute young man, Petey couldn’t help but notice that the lady counselors were beautiful, accomplished, and fun. He particularly noticed a lady counselor by the name of Nora (no, her real name is not Nora), who stood out to Petey as particularly beautiful and fun.

Petey made a point of paying some attention to Nora and was richly rewarded in kind; once, when he surprised her, she called him Sweetie Petey. Petey didn’t mind the attention one bit.

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Goodbyes

I don't think that it's hit me yet that I've left Provo. I have reasons to visit from time to time, so I'll see people. And there's always Facebook and cell phones, but it's never the same.

I won't be in the daily life of my friends and they won't be in mine. I won't be around when Marie has a story to tell about something amazing from her life. I'm unlikely to be the first one to hear about the dates that Peter and Weston and Scott go on. And I won't have happy daily encounters with Kim, Taralyn, or Emily. Countless other people won't be in my day-to-day life and that saddens me.

My only real consolation is the fact that friendships, although not sealed in temples, can still be eternal. I look forward to spending an eternity with my friends, talking and laughing and listening.

In the meantime, friends, please tell me about your lives.

Principles of Communication

Introduction

In the last month, I’ve bothered a lot of people with things that I’ve said. As a result, I’ve thought a lot about what it is that we say and do that bothers people and I’ve tried to refine my understanding of the principles that should govern communication. I hope that they are as useful to my readers as they have been and will be to me. This is not an explanation of things that I do perfectly. It is an explanation of the ideals I strive to live.

These principles are applicable in all communication, but are particularly important when the messages we send are uncomfortable or unwelcome. It is easy to avoid offending people when we’re telling them how much we appreciate them or that they did something well, but easy to offend when we’re correcting, teaching, or disagreeing. It is in these “negative” communications that we are most tempted to violate these principles. However, they are as applicable in difficult situations as in easy ones.

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The search for truth

I don’t think it’s always clear to people that when I express my opinion, it’s not always because I’m positive that I’m right and I’m trying to convince everyone else to think like I do. There are certainly times that it seems to me that I’ve found an element of truth that most people don’t seem to have grasped and I try to share it with them. But even in those moments, I often find that my discovery is incomplete and that there is more to learn in that specific area. I believe that the discovery of truth is far more important than my ego, so I appreciate correction. There are times when I fail to be gracious about being corrected and I ask my friends to forgive me for those lapses.

I frequently express my opinion in my blog posts and usually do it emphatically. When I do so, I argue for truth as I understand it. However, I recognize that I do not fully understand the truth. As such, I enthusiastically welcome others’ opinions. I would love to hear from people who agree and from people who disagree. I also welcome explanations to accompany opinions (why do you agree or disagree with me?), because it is frequently in the explanation of why that we find more truth.

I'm going to begin a flurry of posts in the next couple of days, if all goes according to plan. It would please me greatly to see intelligent debate about my ideas. So, gentle reader, please respond after you read.

No more excuses

I just read a couple of news articles about two horrible, violent acts. I realized that my greatest fear is that I'll do something monstrous to someone else and think of myself as a monster, not to be trusted around anyone. I'm glad that I've never had to forgive anyone else for something like what I read today.

But then, I realized that I'd have trouble forgiving myself for the same acts. At first, it seemed natural because they are deemed inexcusable in society. I believed that they were, in fact, inexcusable. And, by extension, unforgivable.

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