A little stroll

This morning, I chose to walk across campus instead of taking the shuttle. It was a very pleasant walk - the air was crisp and not insanely cold and I took some time to think. I even reminisced about dancing the country polka.

When I got to the engineering building, there were several minutes before class started. I decided to go up to a little lookout point to appreciate something beautiful.

The haze immediately convinced me that the walk could have done more damage to my lungs than it benefited them.

Utah, I think it's time we did something about the air here.

Social norms

As children grow, they learn to speak and understand the language or languages that surround them. In a very similar way, they learn a set of societal rules: when it’s okay to speak, what to wear, what is most important, etc., etc. Typically, people learn these rules by breaking them or following them in noticeable ways. When they do so, the responses of the people around them indicate whether their actions are acceptable or not. This reinforcement, negative or positive, informs future decisions.

The learning of such expectations usually peaks as preteens and teens begin to assert their independence by increasingly seeking approval from their peers and decreasingly from their parents. The need for peer approval raises the stakes considerably: a strange kid in elementary school is a little different, but it makes little difference; as the teenage years approach and commence, eccentricity becomes frighteningly dangerous to social standing and is shunned. To the social late bloomers, such a change is startling; after all, they have been wearing sweats for years. Why does it matter now?

After a few years, the social pressures seem to diminish. Read the whole story...

The need for self-imposed morality

I spend a lot of time thinking about internet security, what with coursework that deals with it and my own nearly constant use of the internet for school, business, and recreation. Many of the nasty things that people do on the internet have exact analogs in the real world; for example, stealing someone’s credit card information and buying stuff with it isn’t too different from stealing someone’s wallet and buying stuff with the cards in it. Other things have analogs that are far more strained; for example, a distributed denial-of-service (DDoS) attack is similar to a sit-in, but the absence of the human presence makes it more like a prank or vandalism and less like a significant political statement.

Read the whole story...

The unlikely role model

Author’s note: This post refers frequently to the Avatar: The Last Airbender cartoon series. It may be difficult to appreciate without first becoming familiar with the series – in particular, with its characters. I have made no effort to avoid revealing what happens. When I say Avatar, think of the little, bald Airbender. At no point in this post will I refer to blue people with USB ports to their brains.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve watched half of the Avatar: The Last Airbender cartoon series with my roommates. We’ve followed Aang, Katara, Sokka, and Toph in their adventures as they’ve met several other characters, including Zuko, Azula, and Iroh. It struck me recently that the characters are archetypal; probably, this was intended by the creators of the series. Aang is agile of body and mind and embodies gentleness. Katara is kind and determined and learns quickly. Toph is stubborn, direct, and a little boorish. Zuko is hot-headed and impulsive. Azula is calculating, precise, and completely unscrupulous. Iroh is ridiculous and lazy on the outside, but his actions reveal that he is compassionate and patient. Each one has a background that makes his or her personality plausible.

Read the whole story...

Picking fights without trying

A friend of mine said something recently that might be true, but that I thought unlikely. Since I could hardly disprove what he was saying and since our difference was merely one of opinion, I simply said that I disagreed. I didn't think anything of it, but my friend started to express his frustration with me: I disagree with things he says all the time. In particular, he disliked the fact that I disagree so frequently with his political statements because he studies political science. If he were to disagree with everything I said about computers, we'd get nowhere fast.

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Everyone's special: another way of saying no one is

I’ve been going through the cartoon series Avatar: The Last Airbender with my roommates recently. It reminds me of all of the great adventure movies, books, and shows that I have enjoyed and that I still enjoy. There’s something fantastic about watching or reading about someone who uses fantastic ability (super or not) to accomplish great things. I get a huge rush out of vicariously saving the world, especially when it requires stupendous skill to do so. The more I think about it, though, the more I think that the rush comes from the illusory satisfaction of my colossal vanity.

I keep thinking of the conversation that Dash has with his mother in The Incredibles:

Dash: But Dad always said our powers were nothing to be ashamed of, our powers made us special.
Helen: Everyone's special, Dash.
Dash: [muttering] Which is another way of saying no one is.
(Source: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0317705/quotes)

Read the whole story...

People keep saying I'm a flirt...

It seems like everyone I meet thinks I’m a huge flirt. I used to be a huge flirt, but I’ve toned it down since I was a freshman. Maybe that’s why I don’t understand it. I do talk with people a lot, but the fact that I’m talking with a girl doesn’t mean I’m trying to ingratiate myself with her. Whatever the reason, my reputation as a flirt has persisted for many years, even among different groups of friends and in different cities that I’ve lived.

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Seeking the good

I remember resenting the fact that I wasn’t allowed to watch certain movies as a kid. The other kids watched them, and they seemed to be doing just fine! I wondered what I was missing out on, being as insatiably curious then as I am now. My parents were also involved in decisions about the TV shows I watched, the video games I played, the music I listened to, and the books I read.

As I matured, I gained an increased appreciation for the effect that media have on our thoughts. I began to avoid unsavory themes, messages, and visuals of my own volition. As I did so, however, I frequently found myself waging internal battles. I’d ask myself if a movie, book, etc. was okay. Not having seen it, I couldn’t know. I had to weigh my desire to never miss anything against my desire to avoid things that would harm my mind and spirit and the likelihood that a particular piece would actually be harmful.

Read the whole story...

Immodesty in ballroom dance as a symptom of a larger societal epidemic

Author's note:
Please don’t take this as a criticism of ballroom dance as a whole. I love ballroom dance and have seen many fantastic dancers, beautiful and handsome costumes, etc. This is a criticism of a movement in today’s culture that is exemplified by a movement within ballroom dance.

A few years ago, I attended the BYU DanceSport nationals to fulfill a requirement for my social dance class and to compete in the smaller class competition. I arrived at the Marriott Center to an ordinary dance scene. People were practicing in the hallways, looking for teammates, and relaxing. As I went downstairs to get my number, I saw a teenage boy with his dark hair clicked back and a thick rubber mask. I looked again and realized that he wasn’t wearing a rubber mask; it was just a thick slab of makeup that completely covered his face.

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Being acted upon

As my friends are aware, I’m a consummate social butterfly. The combination of gregariousness and a short attention span has created in me a talent for becoming familiar with the individuals in large groups very quickly. It has also made it more difficult for me to develop deep friendships, as I rarely spend large amounts of time with the same person or few people. Since my life plan included marriage by around the age of 23 (which was two years ago), the challenges that inhibit me from forming deep friendships have merited considerable thought. My conclusion startled me and is best explained with a phrase from the Book of Mormon: I was being acted upon rather than choosing to act (see http://scriptures.lds.org/en/2_ne/2/26#26).

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Hints are bunk

For those who aren't familiar with hints, they are hopeful but ineffective communication. They are typically used when one person is obliged to say or do something, but doesn't want to say or do anything offensive to anyone else. If there weren't advantages to this form of communication, no one would bother using it. But their detrimental effects far outstrip their benefits. It's time for our communication to mature into clarity and honesty.

As a single man in a culture (that of Utah) that aggressively pursues the abandonment of singlehood, the examples that readily come to mind center on dating. Please apply the principles here to other aspects of life as appropriate.

The most important reason that hints are a negative is that they're so frequently dishonest. Read the whole story...

Goodbyes

I don't think that it's hit me yet that I've left Provo. I have reasons to visit from time to time, so I'll see people. And there's always Facebook and cell phones, but it's never the same.

I won't be in the daily life of my friends and they won't be in mine. I won't be around when Marie has a story to tell about something amazing from her life. I'm unlikely to be the first one to hear about the dates that Peter and Weston and Scott go on. And I won't have happy daily encounters with Kim, Taralyn, or Emily. Countless other people won't be in my day-to-day life and that saddens me.

My only real consolation is the fact that friendships, although not sealed in temples, can still be eternal. I look forward to spending an eternity with my friends, talking and laughing and listening.

In the meantime, friends, please tell me about your lives.